Earlier this week, I was ready to take on the world. Felt good about myself. Felt pretty good physically, and thought I might be doing okay. Even thought I might could get a part time job if the stars lined up just right and I made the proper sacrifices… You know the drill.
But my body disabused me of all of those notions yesterday. I don’t know why I keep thinking that I’m gonna get better. I should realize by now that it’s just the nature of the beast that I’ll go in cycles of feeling better, then… not so much. It’s not anything I’m eating, or exercises I’m doing (or not doing… whatever the case may be). Nor is it my wonderful way of life. It’s just a cycle I’m gonna have to get used to. I think I just have to accept the fact that there are going to be periods of time where I feel like I can take on the world and be close to the old me — but never quite the old me. Times when I feel well enough to go out and do stuff, see things, meet people… and all the other things I haven’t done in well over a year (nearly two if I’m honest). And those times will just not, honestly, last very long. Days usually. Sometimes a whole weeks if I’m lucky. But days usually. Then I’m back to baseline, which is what I feel right now.
I’m not feeling horrible today. I’m just… tired. Such is the way it goes in this ongoing war with my body. Tired has been my state of being since the birth of my last kid *sob* 28 years ago… Damn, I’m getting old. Anyway, for as long as I can remember, whenever someone asks me how I am, I say… “I’m tired.” Because that’s what I usually am. Tired. I learned how to say it in several different languages too so I could reply to friends and students of mine (I used to tutor English as a Second Language) in their own language. French, Je suis fatigue. Spanish: Estoy cansada, Turkish (let me tell y’all something, Turkish is not an easy language to learn, even for simple phrases like “I’m tired”): Yoruldum, Portuguese (which is *almost* like Spanish but not quite… there are a lot of differences): Estou cansada, and German: Ich bin müde. German, like Turkish has some sounds that are hard to wrap my tongue around, but I was told that my accent wasn’t too bad.
The first one I learned was French because I took French in high school for two years. I learned a lot of phrases that stuck, and that was one of them. Even today, I’ll say Quelle heure est-il? when asking for the time, and Je ne sais pas. for “I don’t know.” I don’t speak French at all. Just a few phrases, and those are embedded in my vocabulary until the day I die, along with the very few Spanish phrases I know Estoy cansada being one of them (No tango dinero being another because I said it to my kids all of the time along with Je n’ai pas d’argent which is the same thing in French. English translation: I have no money.) All of my kids knew what those phrases meant, because I said them all of the time. They pick up phrases too. From reading, watching movies, etc… Not a one of us know much of any language. But we all know a little bit of some languages. I think my oldest daughter knows some Russian — I know exactly three phrases in Russian — and my youngest two know some Japanese. I have a friend who emigrated to Japan. He’s been living there for almost 30 years now. I know how to answer the phone there, and that’s about it. 🙂
Anyway, I don’t know how this got to be a blog post about my tiny bit of language skillz. But whatever. That’s what happens when I blog while tired. 🙂 Also, when I get on the subject of language, it’s difficult for me to stop. ^_^ It’s my favorite subject! All of that made me remember this video my Spanish professor had us watch. It’s hysterical. Even I understand it. Sadly, there were only two episodes…