ennui

en·nui
/änˈwē/ noun
noun: ennui

a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.
synonyms: boredom, tedium, listlessness, lethargy, lassitude, languor, weariness, enervation; malaise, dissatisfaction, melancholy, depression, world-weariness, Weltschmerz “an ennui bred of long familiarity”

Origin:

ennui

mid 18th century: French, from Latin mihi in odio est ‘it is hateful to me.’ Compare with annoy.

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ennui-pin-itYou know, I used to mispronounce this word as En-u-ee. How was I to know it was Ahn-wee? I’d never heard it spoken aloud, only read it. But that’s neither here nor there. Right now, this very moment, I’m kinda stuck in a state of ennui, no matter how it’s pronounced. I totally want to go take a walk.  I do. There’s a coffee shop not far from my house that I think I can make it to if I take it slow, but the air outside right now is a bit hazy with smoke from the wildfires up in Canada (I do hope they’re doing okay up there) and people with lung problems (like myself) are being told to stay inside for their own good. So, to the mailbox and back for me is about all I can do.  I’m am considering a sojourn out to the grocery store.  That would be a first in a long time for me. I haven’t ventured out  on my onesie in almost a year.  It’s a scary proposition for me.  I did go grocery shopping with Douglas this weekend. Yay! Baby steps, y’all, baby steps.

 

This post isn’t really about anything.  I just need to do something because my mind is going a mile a minute, but my body… not so much. You know? But unfocused writing is unfocused.  Ha!  I’ve written and deleted about four different posts so far. I don’t even know if I’ll post this one (told y’all I write more than I post…)  Hey, at least it passes the time. ^_^

obstaclesI know that there are people out there who say they would gladly trade places with me. Those are most likely people who’ve never had to deal with the slew of chronic pain issues.  Trust me, anyone who says this, you don’t want to trade places with me. Because the people who think this way probably believe they would simply get up off the couch and go to for that walk I mentioned earlier, that it’s really as simple as all that.  Because anyone who isn’t in my place thinks that a walk to the store is no big deal.  And hey, five years ago, a walk to the coffee shop (or store, they’re the same distance) was nothing to me too.  I didn’t even have to think twice about walking that tiny bit and back again. But it’s a huge undertaking for me nowadays. Why? because I can’t breathe properly anymore. And let’s not forget my bad knees and back (which are getting worse because I don’t exercise — ironically). And it’s not as simple as bring an inhaler with me because what ails me isn’t asthma. The doctors don’t know what it is. And hey, guess what? I don’t want to collapse halfway to the store on the side of a deserted road with little traffic gasping for air with no help in sight.  But that’s just me.  Of course, that might not happen.  I might could make it all the way to the coffee shop and back without any issues. Who knows? I’ll probably wait until the aforementioned smoke clears though.

What I’m trying to point out with that little rant is that I want to get out of my house and exercise.  My mind is all — Go out and do the thing! and my body is all:  Don’t you even dare try and do that thing.  I tend to listen to my body more these days, because I’ve learned that when I ignore my body, I pay for it — a lot.  Anyway, sorry for the rant. I guess I had something to get off my chest after all. ^_^

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