A day in the life

So things are (maybe) looking up a bit here and there. I’ve cut gluten out of my diet for the last few weeks and the pains in my stomach have been drastically reduced. Like almost gone!  I still have to watch my fat intake or they’ll come roaring back, and I still have to avoid some foods (nightshades, &c…) but yeah, it feels good not to have this horrible pain in my gut all day, every day.

I’m still tired almost all of the time though. But I have a *bit* more energy. Like today I went to a knitting group — second time going, yay!  I was making excuses not to go right up until I walked out the door, but I went. So I’m feeling good about it. I still can’t talk myself into getting the oil changed in my car though.  I think I’d need a “going out in public” buddy to do that. Someone I can bribe with lunch or something. I’m not sure what the wall is, but it’s there…  Kind of like this:

anxiety wall

Except I don’t feel particularly anxious… I just can’t bring myself to do things like get the oil in my car changed. because it involves dealing with people and… I can’t explain it. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never gotten the oil changed in my car before. I have, many times before. But… I dunno, I can’t seem to bring myself to do it right now.

I did, however, give my dogs a bath… because they stank, and they needed it. Just the two smaller ones.  It’s been years since I’ve been physically able to do that. And I did it. It wiped me out. I’m exhausted and my knees hurt (from kneeling beside the tub), but I did it. So go me. ^_^ They are not any worse for wear from the experience either.

no cowbellThis morning, I woke up and realised that the ringing in my ears was gone. Like… gone! I didn’t hear it. I realized that I hadn’t been hearing it for a couple of days now. I was all, Yay! no more tinnitus! I was gonna celebrate and everything. I thought maybe going gluten free was the reason for that… I dunno, who knows why these things happen? But alas and alack, it’s back.  Same ringing in both ears. Blah. Ah well, it was good while it lasted. And maybe it’ll stop again. Who knows? I can hope.

Anyway, I’ve been writing this post for a while now. I keep getting distracted and tired. ^_^  So I guess I’ll just wrap it up here and call it a day.  I figured I’d share some good news for a change. I’m feeling kinda okay about things, and I hope that’s a sign of good things to come (knock on wood).  I mean yeah, I’m tired and my knees hurt, but they hurt for a reason, not just because I have achy knees.  I’d rather be in pain and tired for a reason — mostly because I pushed myself — than to sit here going, “Why do I hurt so much? I didn’t do anything!” or “Why am I so blankity-blank exhausted? I haven’t done anything!” Because that’s freaking annoying. You know?

8 thoughts on “A day in the life

  1. Marilyn Armstrong

    You went out and did something. Yay you! I’m working on that. Didn’t do tai chi, couldn’t get out there. People. And I’m insanely tired, though today was definitely better than the last week which has been very bad. I think there was a time when I was sociable. Even popular. I can barely remember it.

    Just get the oil changed before you drive very far. Because you need your car.

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  2. Embeecee

    Yep. I know intimately what you’re describing (besides the ringing in the ears bit. I’d be tempted to chop my head off…) You are making progress and that is a great cause for celebration. You’ve identified why your gut ached and you were feeling so ill most days (at least part of why) and that’s huge. You’re great! Ask Doug…. 😉

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  3. Peg Stueber-Temp and Tea

    The realization that, although the world is FILLED with people, very few of them take notice of me personally, has allowed me to freely roam through the masses. That mantra and a 35 year old social mask have allowed me to keep my social anxiety on a tight leash.

    People (in a generic general sense) just don’t give a flying rats ass about others unless they come into direct contact…and it’s even more noticeable now, with everyone’s heads buried in their smart phones.

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      1. Peg Stueber-Temp and Tea

        That’s where you and I differ – in my head, logic trumps just about everything. If I can get an issue to a logical conclusion, it’s no longer an issue.

        I ‘built’ my first alter-personality when I was 15. 35 years (and a ton of tweaking) later, it still serves me well, as it continues to serve multiple logical purposes.

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        1. Willow Post author

          Yep, we’re different that way. I often say, “Logically, I know that… but try telling my brain that.” It could be a produce of having bipolar, I dunno. But who knows how the mind/brain works? Not me. ^_^

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