So, I’m weird

… but y’all knew that, right?  About a year ago, I got this crazy idea to move my computer back into the spare bedroom. I don’t remember the reasoning behind it, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. So me and the hubs took everything from the room we don’t use an put it in the bedroom we don’t use. It took use hours and really was a pain to do. I thought, “yeah, this is perfect. I’ll get a lot of work done back here.”


Computer in question (google image)

And I never once used the computer back there.  The one I’m typing on right now. It’s a decent computer, a little dated, but it can run Windows 10 and is good for surfing the net, watching videos, and word processing. All the stuff I do during the day.  I basically sat my butt on the couch and used the laptop we bought for gaming to do everything. Which is not what we bought the laptop for, and this computer just sat in the back room and gathered dust. And I honestly felt a little guilty about that every day. Like I’d say to myself, “Self, you should either use that computer or give it away.” But of course I did neither.

So anyway, this past weekend, I decided to take everything out of the back bedroom and move it back into the living room we never use — where it was before. And here I am.

alarmed doorSee, I realized something about myself a few months ago. If I can’t see the front door of my house, I get anxious. Like, I’m constantly asking myself, What if someone comes to the door?  and that anxiety is twofold now because the door is almost always open – we have a magnetic screen door that the dogs use to go in and out.  It doesn’t really matter that there’s a gate, a camera, and three dogs between me and the door, I’m still anxious if I can’t see the front door area.  Looking back, I’ve always been this way. Like, all of my life.  It’s especially prevalent if I’m alone in the house. I mean, if I were in a house full of people, say, more than three… I’d be okay in my bedroom or the kitchen. But alone or just me and the hubs? Nope, gotta keep an eye on the door.  I have this weird phobia of being surprised by someone entering my house. Maybe I saw too many psychological thrillers or crime shows. I dunno. But there it is.

So, I moved my desk back to the other room, and I can see clear down the driveway. The only way someone will surprise me is if they come around the back, and they’d have to go through my territorial neighbor’s property to do that.  Good luck with that. They’re armed. ^_^

And that’s it.  I do realize now that I’ve spoiled myself rotten with the gaming keyboard and mouse so I may splurge on those for this computer… they’re not that expensive, but they’re way more comfortable for the hands than this setup, but other than that, I think that I’ll come over here during the day and actually get back to doing things like blogging and reading… Things that sitting on the couch and being on the gaming computer aren’t conducive to because I just get distracted by other things. I’m not making any promises, but we’ll see. ^_^

5 thoughts on “So, I’m weird

  1. Embeecee

    Cool. And that process of moving the computer here and then there and then back here again is common I think. We all “nest” in our own ways. The thing you describe about watching or needing to see the front door is called hyper-vigilance. It comes in some cases from some trauma so severe that the person carries PTSD away with them, and hyper-vigilance is actually (I believe) an offshoot of PTSD. I’ve had it for years but never knew what it was until a therapist told me. These days it seems to be easing up…well it does until someone in my neighborhood shares stories of gangs of adolescences roaming around here in the dark. It gets worse at times too. I’m glad you’re making the effort to change your world around a little…we all need variety too! Good luck! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Willow Post author

      I’ve always had a habit of moving things around. Like every few months or so, I have this uncontrollable urge to rearrange a room. It doesn’t matter what room, but something’s got to change. My first husband was cool with it. My second husband hated it, the kids got used to it, and Douglas is… pretty okay with it so long as I don’t touch his nerd cave. The problem is, the older I get, the harder it is to move stuff around. Like I can’t be throwing furniture around like I used to. You know? But the urge to do so is still as strong. It’s really stress inducing because I want the chair to be over there but I can’t put it over there. So annoying. >_<

      Yeah, I get the hyper-vigilance thing. I had an abusive mom and a worse step-dad. I'm also… what do they call it? Super reactive when startled… I can't think of the word, but yeah I'm easily startled. Doug has threatened to start wearing bells in the house so he stops scaring me whenever he walks into a room. ^_^ Poor guy.


  2. Marilyn Armstrong

    We used to each have an office, both of which doubled as necessary as guest rooms. I bought us laptops a while back and after a year of NEVER using the desktop computers, we concluded we weren’t going back there. I just like being here, in the middle of everything. Near the dogs, near Garry. When I was actually working and after that, writing a book, the isolation was an issue, but now? I like being here and the furniture is a LOT more comfortable!

    As for the hyper-vigilance, all we abused kids are hyper vigilant to some degree. Maybe that is why I like being in the middle of activity and not locked in a corner, somewhere else. But I really wish Duke would stop dropping his ball on the keyboard. The computer doesn’t like it either.


    1. Willow Post author

      Both of the small dogs, and the cat will try to climb onto my lap when I’m working on the laptop. They don’t honestly care that the lap is already occupied. They just want snuggles. At least while sitting in a chair, I don’t get that as much. But! I’m gonna have to get used to sitting in a chair again, as opposed to a recliner. This is murder on my back.


  3. Pingback: I was around… – Patience of Willow

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.