What a coincidence

mole cleaning

Wind in the Willows

I was actually going to make a confession blog post today.  As usual, it’s not a deep dark secret, but it’s something that kind of niggles in my brain and might be good to get off my chest. Maybe. Maybe I’ll never post this at all, because it’s kind of a stupid thing. But here goes.

Deep down, in the dark recesses of my mind, I kinda sorta think that buried inside everyone I meet/know is a psychopathic serial killer just waiting to come out.

Like, logically I know they’re not. Logically, I know that most people would have trouble killing a chicken for dinner if it came down to it.  But there’s a part of my brain that is convinced that everyone I know and or meet (and I mean everyone, my brain does not discriminate) has a part of them that is just going to snap at any moment and then the murders will begin — like that meme that went around not too long ago where they tacked on “and then the murders began” to the first line of children’s books. Funny, but disturbing too.

yin-yang-symbol-variant_318-50138I can try and reason and conjecture that it’s because I read way too much Stephen King as a kid. Or that I didn’t have a stable home growing up — abusive stepfather, neglectful mother, abusives babysitters, &c… Or maybe I’ve read too many crime novels, or watched too many crime TV shows/documentaries. Who knows? Maybe my mind just isn’t wired right. I can guess until the cows come home, but it would still be supposition.  I mean, I betcha there are other people who’ve read the same books I’ve read and watched the same shows and they probably don’t wonder when the people around them are going to go on a murdering rampage. And I’m here to tell you, dear reader, that I don’t for a moment believe that I’m surrounded by psychopaths who are out to murder me and mine. I really don’t. And yet, there’s that one teeny tiny bit of my brain that says, Yep, that person over there (pick any random person) is gonna snap, and I should be prepared for the day they do. Having said all of that, I honestly and truly believe that just about everyone is a normal Joe who just wants to live their life in peace and not deal with the drama of the world around them.

fun filled lollipopCue my psycho ex. I’m kinda glad I had these thoughts, and that I had a plan in place when he did turn out to be a psycho and snapped so I could get the hell out of dodge relatively intact.  So, is my brain wrong to have vague plans in place in case, say some random stranger comes stomping up my driveway in a rage? Or is my brain wired wrong because whenever I hear gunshots in my neighborhood my first thought is, “Oh boy, the neighbors have lost it, call the dogs in and close/lock the doors.”  Even though I have no reason to believe any of my neighbors will “lose it”?  I mean, I don’t obsess over it in any way, shape, or form.  It’s not even something that comes up every day, really.  Mostly it’s something that surfaces when there’s something not right with the world.  Like when all three dogs were barking at nothing last night, hackles raised and they wouldn’t stop. Normally it’s just Poptart and Brandy that go off like that, but when Cocoa gets his dander up, well, something is amiss. So I start to wonder who out of all the people that I know (or don’t know, could be anyone) has gone off the deep end and what, if anything, can I do about it? Turned out to be elk in the yard, so that’s good. Well, elk can be ornery too if they want to be. So there’s that. Anway, I just wanted to confess that I have it in the back of my mind that someday, somehow, someone — anyone in my world is gonna snap.  And when they do, I don’t want to be caught off guard.

Kinda weird huh? ‘Nother confession, most of my nearest and dearest already know this about me. ^_^ Paranoia is a bitch, and it’s also part and parcel of being bipolar. Sucks to have mind cooties.

via Daily Prompt: Confess

7 thoughts on “What a coincidence

  1. I think you have had a experienced real danger and had frightening life. We never entirely escape from our past. I had a terrifying father and later, one terrifying husband. Over the 27+ years of being married to Garry, I no longer react with panic to anything which in some way seems a bit threatening, but for a long time, I did. The shadow of those experiences is long and dark. Time and positive experiences eventually mutes them, though I’m not sure they are ever entirely gone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thing is we’re told that we never ever really KNOW anyone. EVERYONE has a secret self/face whaddya call it, that they keep carefully hidden away. And who is to say some of those secret faces aren’t psycho killers just waiting for the nudge that shoves them over the edge.

    I don’t think that’s so very paranoid actually. I, myself, regard 99.9% of the population with deep distrust. It’s annoying. It’s also very safe.

    You and I both have a degree of hyper-vigilance, which definition is: “It is an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect danger, whether real or imagined. It is part of PTSD. People experiencing hyper-vigilance typically exhibit symptoms in an attempt to avoid danger.

    So don’t feel odd about your thoughts regarding the evil intent of those around you (all of them even). Some MIGHT prove you right. And it’s always those ‘quiet neighbors who never bothered anyone’ that seem to go batshit and climb a clock tower with an Uzi. Nobody would have suspected THEM….except you. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Mind cooties!! Bwahahahaha!! Now that’s funny! I’ve never heard it called that, but oh so descriptive!!
    I get a bit paranoid too. Like when I walk somewhere, and no one is talking, then I just KNOW 1 second ago, they were talking about me. Because, of course! Who Doesn’t talk about fabulous me??!!
    You’re not weird. Just prepared. Ya never know when the murders will begin…

    Liked by 1 person

    • We can only hope that the murders will never happen, right? ^_^ You know, every time I make one of these “confession” blogs I think “Yeah, this is just too weird to write about, I shouldn’t write about this.” and then I post it and everyone is all, “Oh yeah, I think that way too.” So either I’m not as strange as I thought I was, or I’m surrounded by weirdos. ^_^

      Like

  4. Pingback: Fireworks, gunfire, and a cold | Patience of Willow

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