So, as I get older and my stupid body gets more and more touchy about things, it seems to be getting more and more intolerant about the food I put in my mouth. I suppose I’ve always been sensitive to these foods but ignored the symptoms because I was young and dumb and had more health regeneration or something. But I’m getting older and more fragile and my tolerance is slipping ever downwards. But here’s the thing. I don’t have any food allergies. There isn’t one food on this planet — that I know of — that will cause my body to have an allergic reaction. I’m not allergic to anything food-wise. While there are many foods my body doesn’t react well too, I won’t break out in a rash or go into anaphylactic shock if I eat any of them. Nope, if I eat, say a slice of pizza, I’m good to go. If I eat two slices, I’m gonna feel not so great afterwards but I’ll be okay. If go hog wild and have a third slice, well, I’ll probably be curled up on the bed in a ball of pain after a few hours questioning my life’s choices, but I won’t die. Same with any slice I eat after that. I might promise god and the universe to never eat pizza again if they take away the pain, but I won’t die from my idiocy. My body won’t try to purge the offending food from my system. It will simply remind me — in very strong terms — that it doesn’t tolerate it very well in large quantities.
I had an acquaintance who’s allergic to citrus. She was (and probably still is) deadly allergic to it. If you had anything that had citrus in it and she accidently drank and/or ate it, she could easily go into anaphylactic shock and die very quickly. When she starts work at a new place, they must tell employees not to peel citrus in the building because if the spray from the peel gets into the ventilation, it could kill her. Which, of course would be a legal nightmare for any company. That’s how I met my acquaintance, because I had questions concerning this announcement when she started in a company I worked at. I didn’t want to kill her with my orange-peeling ways. What was suggested was to instead peel the citrus at home, or bring it to work sliced. It was okay to eat citrus around her — so long as I didn’t peel it in front of her or anywhere near her, or touch her with the fruit peel. Can you imagine having that kind of severe allergic reaction to something as ubiquitous as citrus? It must be so hard for her. Bees are pretty easy to avoid, but citrus? Damn. I mean, I will have a severe asthma attack if someone is wearing too much perfume — especially if it’s of a rosey nature — but I’m not sure if that’s considered an allergy or not. Web MD says it is. So I guess I’m allergic to Rose smelling perfumes. Any strong smelling perfumes really, but the rose ones? Instant asthma.
What I do have, allergy wise is chronic sinusitis. Chronic as in I’ve had stuffed sinuses for years. Decades. Since I moved to Virginia in 1994. My sinuses stuffed up the moment I walked out of the car and haven’t significantly unstuffed for any amount of time since. That was 24 years ago, y’all. Twenty four years ago. And if you think, dear reader, that I haven’t tried everything in the book to clear my sinuses; well, you’ve got another think coming. Okay, I haven’t had the surgery because every doctor who has suggested the surgery has suggested it with the caveat that, “It probably won’t work.” And every doctor who has suggested that I might could get allergy shots has also given the same caveat — they’ll work for a while, but soon I’ll be back to square one. So why waste the time and money on something that probably won’t work? I know what’s causing the sinus issues. Allergies. Well, back in the 1990’s it was because I was allergic to Virginia. According to the doctors I saw for my newly developed asthma (1997), that area of Virginia has one of the highest rates of adult induced asthma in the States. Yay, me! I got to be a statistic! Whatever.
Right now, as I write this, I’m listening to my breath whistle in and out like an untuned accordion being squeezed ever so slightly. It’s interesting sometimes because I’ll hear something and stop what I’m doing and go, “What’s that noise?” take a breath… “Oh, it’s me.” Ha! But seriously, I could arrange my entire life so that I don’t breathe in allergens. Live in a plastic bubble as it were, with covers on my furniture, where I have to vacuum every single day of the week and twice on Tuesdays, make sure the laundry is done every day, dust religiously, never invite anyone to my house — ever. Because who knows what they’re carrying in on their clothing? And just never venture outside and breathe anything but filtered air again, or I can have chronic sinusitis. I’m not living in a bubble. That’s just not the life I want to live. And so, my body punishes me with chronic sinus issues.
Because my body hates me. And that’s the way it is.
Just for fun, this comic is called “Pickles”