I may have mentioned this before, but I have a lot of time on my hands, and I don’t like watching television these days, so I tend to play video games. And when I’m not up to playing myself, I like to watch other people play video games on YouTube. I prefer open world games with a non-linear plot. Games where I can let my character wander around the world and pick flowers for an hour (or pick up junk, depending on the setting) if that’s what I want to do. And I have done this on many occasions, because for me, it’s relaxing to pick virtual flowers, or junk, or chop down virtual trees, or even just explore a virtual cave if that’s what I want to do, and all of this meandering around won’t have any consequence to the overall plot or storyline (if there is an actual storyline — I’m looking at you, Fallout 4). In other words, the virtual world my character is wandering through will not end if I just let them take their time and explore the world around them. Or, you know, build a house (or town, or village) for a few hours, because why not?
But I’ve noticed that some of the other players I watch on YouTube will have their characters flat out run everywhere in the game. They sprint through open fields, jump off of cliffs, jump their way up mountains, swim through rivers — even though there are bridges, like, Right there! What are you doing? Just go over the bridge! Jeez! *Deep breath* I’m okay. — and they just go through their stamina all the time. For those unfamiliar, most games that I watch/play have at least two bars, one for health (or hit points) and one for stamina. There’s sometimes a third for magic/mana or special abilities but not always. Stamina (in my experience) gets used up when doing things like fighting — swinging swords, using heavy guns, or moving quickly in the world. And some YouTubers I watch will eat through their character’s stamina just running through the world. It seems (to me) that they generally want to get to the next goal as quickly as they possibly can. Because for them, the idea isn’t to take in the virtual world around them, the idea is to finish as many of the quests as quickly as they can. I’m not saying they’re wrong to play the game that way because it’s their game, they can play it any way they want to. I just don’t understand how they can dash through the — usually — beautiful worlds the game creators have built and not at least slow down a bit and take a look around before dashing off to finish their quest.
And such is the way in the real world too. There are those of us who prefer to meander through life: (meander v. proceed aimlessly or with little purpose.) and there are those who have fixed goals that they must get to at all costs. I’m sure there are people who think they would love to meander as I have, but feel they must focus on goals because that’s what society has told them to do. I say, screw society and its rules and mores — okay not all of its rules because some rules are good for everyone, but some are not. And the idea that people have to, you know, do something with themselves, to accomplish something with their lives, to be someone! is an idea that I’ve often rejected with my whole being for as long as I can remember. Fight the establishment! Okay, not fight it, but, like, don’t do it! Unless you want to. I mean, if that’s your thing, go for it. But for me, Nah.
Because… why? Why do we have to have a purpose? Why can’t we just… be? I mean, so long as I’m not hurting anyone, leave me alone to just… be me. I’ve always been a meanderer — someone who wanders aimlessly through life. It used to bother me a lot because society said I needed a goal, but about, I dunno, 15 years ago I said, fuck the bozos and stopped caring about what society told me I needed. I’ve been happier about life ever since (the psych meds helped a lot with that too). But if I’m gonna be frankly honest, I’ve never had a goal in life other than to live this day until the next. And when I make it to the end of the day, I’m all: Yay, me! I did it. Now, let’s see if I can make it through the night. I hope I wake up in the morning. Like seriously, goal accomplished. I made it through the day yesterday, and I woke up this morning. Go me! ^_^ Some people might call this “existing” rather than “living”, but screw those bozos too. When you have as many chronic illnesses, syndromes, disorders, and whatnots as I do, sometimes making it through the day is a major accomplishment. To tell y’all the truth though, I meandered through life long before I had this laundry list of ailments. Though, come to think of it, the list started early on, so maybe they are the reason for my meandering ways. Anyway, I can only think of a time or two when I had a serious goal in mind and actively worked towards it. Generally, those times didn’t work out as planned. I’m lucky right now that I have a husband who is willing to let me wander aimlessly through life and find my way to the next one.