A rambling we will go.

So, as anyone who reads this blog knows, a week or so ago, I was puttering through a pretty severe fatigue flare.  A fatigue flare, for those who don’t know is when everything is exhausting. Like, getting up in the morning is a gargantuan chore and getting dressed? Well damn, that’s just about it for the day.  There are many days, dear reader, when I just say, “Blah, I’m too tired to get dressed.” and I just don’t. I will make an effort to not wear the same clothing for more than two days, but no promises. Shower? hahahahahaha! Yeah, I don’t think so. Now, I’ve never been one to shower every day because I have dry skin and showering every day will just make it even drier. I generally, when I’m feeling up to it, shower every other day. However, when going through a fatigue flare, I’ve been known to go a week without showering. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m not ashamed either. I mean, it’s not like it’s my fault I don’t have the energy to move, let alone go through the rigmarole needed to take a shower. But you know what, dear reader? I count myself lucky every day I can carry my happy ass out of bed, even if I lack the strength to do much else.

fatigue shower

That’s tired, y’all.

But the fatigue flare passed, like everything does, and I got my energy back again. Less than it was before it seems, but still there. I can shower again, and do the dishes without exhausting myself. Even do the laundry. Go me! I entertained the idea of going back to work — like I do every time my energy comes back. ^_^  I’m like, “Yay! I have energy! I can do stuff! Maybe this time… this time…”  Yeah…  You’d think I’d learn, but I dunno. Our brains are wired to be hopeful I guess. There’s light at the end of the tunnel! Mountains at the edge of the desert! Water just over the horizon! I can see it, we’re almost there! Right? So we’re gonna keep on walking. When I was a kid, I read stories of people who died in Death Valley chasing the dream of water over the horizon, but they still kept those mountains covered in snow always in their sights. A carrot on a stick, so to speak.  I mean, I’ve gotta get better someday, right? Obviously, I know that my ailments are chronic, which means they’re not going to get better, but… maybe… someday? Hope lives on. 🙂 Like, there’s no cure for them, but maybe they’ll get… better? You know?

wake up sick

Not once before it happened.

Logically, I know that my ailments are chronic, and some of them are progressively gonna get worse over time. Some of them are gonna pretty much stay the same as they are right now, but others… yeah I’m looking at slowly worsening. But not all of them. I’m fairly sure whatever is wrong with my gut is curable, or at least treatable. I just have to figure out what’s going on with my gut so I can treat it. You know?

old age lookSo anyway, these cycles of fatigue and pain (not always at the same time)… they come and go, and with them productivity — including my posting on this blog. Sometimes I’m just too tired to do much of anything but stare at the computer screen watching videos. And sometimes I’m all about posting, photoshopping, and playing my video games. I don’t think I’ll ever have the energy to go back to work unless the doctors actually do come up with a cure for what ails me.  If that happens, I’ll gladly hop back into the workforce because frankly, dear reader, I’m bored to tears. But right now, even at my highest energy level, the most I can do is a little housework and then I’m spent for the day. But hey, at least I’m still getting out of bed in the morning, so bonus, right?

At this moment in time, I’m neither too fatigued nor overly energetic. I’m just… tired and a little achy.  My back is still trying to get used to this new chair — which don’t get me wrong, is a very comfortable chair, but it’s different, so my back doesn’t like it. That’s the way my back works. Stupid back. Stupid body. Stupid chronic pain! grumble grumble. Anyway, it’s par for the course I guess. I’ll probably get some stuff done today, but not as much as I’d like to do. It’s supposed to get hot again this week (it’s been in the low 70’sF this past weekend) so that’s totes not gonna help with the fatigue. But you know what, dear reader? The past few days have been perfect weather for me, and I enjoyed the hell out of them. Cloudy, cool, windy. Yum!  I’ll put up with a few hot days if I can have the perfect weather in between. You know? I’m totally glad we moved to WA despite a few mishaps here and there. The weather here is something both Doug and I enjoy. And we both love the mountains. Plus, everything’s so green. It’s just great.

a lot of green

Behold the greenery!

Speaking of energy… I was, at one point… I know it! Anyway, I just ran out. hahahaha! I’ll stop torturing y’all with my ramblings.

9 thoughts on “A rambling we will go.

  1. Melanie B Cee

    You just keep ramblin’. A burden shared is a burden halved or something deep like that and yeah I know we aren’t going to take away even a jot or tittle of your fatigue. But we can SYMPATHIZE and send good thoughts and stuff like that. And it’s good to see you WRITE because today you have the energy! That’s awesome! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Marilyn Armstrong

    Garry has been tired all the time since his surgery. I don’t know if it’s because he can’t sleep in a normal position (he is a right-side sleeper and it’s the right ear that got the surgery) or because he isn’t fully recovered from the anesthesia … or it’s something else. It’s difficult when neither ONE of us can do anything. We get stuff done, but it’s so hard!


  3. Christina Brockway

    I know exactly how you feel. Damn body. The meds they had me one gave this weird tidal wave of exhaustion. I’d be fine one minute then the next I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Not what you went through, though I do experience that as well, but just as annoying. I got off those meds and am now just very, very tired. Okay, so I’ve deleted three different closings so I’ll just stop here.


    1. Willow Post author

      I had that problem on levothyroxine. I couldn’t stay awake for the life of me. Took me months to figure out what was causing it. And I was on half of the lowest dosage! >_< Armour Thyroid doesn’t seem to have that effect, but I had to work my way up to a therapeutic dosage — took me almost a year to do it too. But it seems to be working now. ^_^

      edited for grammar


  4. Abigail

    It’s true what you said about our brains being wired for hopefulness. Sad is the day when the spirit loses all hope… Anyway, while I don’t relate to the lethargy you’re feeling, I do extend my best wishes for you in these next few days as you try to pull out of the fatigue flare.


    1. Willow Post author

      Thanks for the good wishes. I always try to keep hope in front of me. One of my mottos in life is “This too shall pass.” Doesn’t matter what “this” is, it’s temporary. We only have this moment we’re living in right now, and we should make everything we can of it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person


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