Sharing My World Mid May 2019

I totally forgot to link this to Melanie’s site. This is, of course from Melanie’s Share Your World. I have no idea were my brain is this morning. Normally I’d link it at the bottom, but since I forgot, I’ll add it up here.

What social stigma does society need to get over already? All of them, really. But that’s impossible, given human nature. We like to create social norms and mores because we must have a “normal” to judge everything else against. I mean, other animals do it too, they will drive out the sick and infirm as a group in hard times because that sick animal is a danger to the survival of the group. It’s only in times of plenty (like we are now) when we look at the “norms” we’ve built up over the long haul and say, “Hey, you know what? Those don’t count so much anymore, we need to rethink those.” And it’s because we’re in this time of plenty that I think we should reassess where we are and say, “Yeah, let’s rethink these norms.” Everyone will have their own, and I think society as a whole should just take a step back and really look at how we treat our fellow human — like, really look at how everyone is being treated, and ask what we can do better. But that’s just living in a fantasy right there.

What was the last photo you took? On my phone? It was a picture of a bookcase… type… thing that I was trying to sell — since deleted because it has been well, given away. And two of them actually. I don’t like the hassle of actually selling stuff. But I’ll gladly give stuff away to get it out of my house. Here are the pictures. I pulled them from the listing. They’re not that great, but they didn’t have to be since I was just giving them away. The lady who came to get them came in a little sedan and we had a heck of a time getting them into her little car. It took us about 20 minutes of straining and planning because she didn’t have a hatchback and these are solid steel, they aren’t bending. But we wedged them in there. I hope she was able to get them out. So, two more biggish things down, and a few more do go. I was going to keep blogging about my purging adventures, but they’re so sporadic that I was just… nah. I do like these shelves, and they do “spark joy” as the saying goes, but they’re big and bulky and we don’t know if we’ll need them in our next house. They were just gathering dust here in the empty rooms, so we decided to let them go.

When was the last time you snooped and found something or found out something you wish you hadn’t? Damn, that takes me back. Like… way back. To my first marriage. I had to have been over 21 because I’m pretty sure we had four kids at the time, and I had my fourth kid when I was about 21. I totally remember thinking at the time, What am I gonna do? I have four kids! But I’m getting ahead of myself. So my husband had just gotten back from WesPac — a tour of duty where they send him over seas for 8 months over the Western Pacific ocean. And at the time of this little adventure, his ship was out again for a shorter, one month run. I needed something out of his briefcase, which was uncharacteristically locked (it’s usually not), so I messed with the locks until I figured out the combination — it’s not that hard. I got the thing I needed from his briefcase and noticed that there were also a lot of letters in there. I am always of the notion that husbands and wives should have no secrets from each other, so I started to read them. They were from a woman to him, a woman professing her love to him and a woman saying that she would be a proper wife to him and that she would most definitely love to come home with him. Blah blah blah. As you can imagine, it was devastating to find. I was 21, I had no job skills, and I had four kids. I was completely and totally dependent on my husband for everything. If he left me, I would be destitute. I was in tears.

I found another letter in with the others from a shipmate of my (then) husband telling him to get his head out of his ass and stop fucking around with that other woman. The shipmate reminded my (then) husband that he had a wife and four kids that he was responsible for and that the Navy did not take kindly to cheating spouses. He pointed out that this was a common tactic for some women in these countries — find a gullible man who is unhappy in marriage, sweet talk them in to divorcing their wife, and get a one way ticket to the USA. Or a single man, but for some reason it was easier to get unhappily married men to marry “homewreckers”. Who knew? Anyway, I told my (then) husband that I found his letters and that he had broken the “rules” of being away — fallen in love with another woman. I didn’t care if he slept with someone else because — I didn’t. Sex and love are two different things. If he wanted to get his pickle wet, that was his business, but he wasn’t supposed to fall in love or bring home any diseases (he broke that rule too). Our marriage never recovered. I’m glad I snooped though, because it taught me a valuable lesson. I slowly became less dependent on him and when the end came, it wasn’t as terrible as it could have been.

What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever slept in? I dunno, I’ve slept in a lot of beds and or chairs. I had a feather bed once. It was pretty comfortable.

Can being grateful change Your World? They say it can. The power of positive thinking and all that. I know that I’ve had a way better outlook on life by thinking positively. You wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I used to be way more of a Grumpy Gus. Like… way more. I’m certainly not a fluffy white lighter because I know that evil exists in the world. One cannot have light without the dark because you need both to cast shadows. One needs shadows in order to see. If the world was nothing but light or nothing but dark, we’d all be blind. But, and here’s the important part, dear reader — one has to be truly grateful… truly positive in order to make any changes. Like, a person cannot just mouth platitudes and hope it will make a difference. I say all of the time that I am grateful to have a roof over my head and food on the table, that’s because I’m god-damned grateful that I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I’m eternally grateful I have a husband who loves me as much as I love him. And having something to be grateful for does have a positive affect on my life. Yeah, I grump and grouse all of the time about my rebellious body, but honestly, I’m quite content with a lot of things in my life. And I’m working on the things that have got me discontent. I don’t think anyone can be completely happy all of the time or completely… anything… for very long. Having said all that I leave you with this:

Some times, you just have to find an alternative route

5 thoughts on “Sharing My World Mid May 2019

  1. Melanie B Cee

    Heh heh at that last image. No, some things are simply dire. No fault of anyone, no negative thoughts brought them to be. They just are. Thanks Willow for Sharing Your World. I admit to being surprised that you were ever ‘dependent’ on a guy. You just seem that strong and independent, but our histories sometimes shape us into what we need to be, don’t they?

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    1. Willow Post author

      When I was seventeen, being a housewife seemed like a sweet deal. By the time I was nineteen, I’d seen the folly of my ways, but even by 21, it really hadn’t sunk in just how dependent on my husband I truly was. Live and learn, right?

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