So I went to my doctor’s a couple of days ago to see why I’m so freaking fatigued these days. And it appears that my thyroid is acting up again (as I suspected). My TSH levels are… low… very low. Like the low scale would be .4 something and I’m at .13 something. Which is weird. Low levels are generally associated with hyperthyroidism not hypothyroidism, which is what I have. My free T4 levels are low too, but not as low as my TSH level. My free T4 levels are just below the normal range, but still low.
Anyway, what this all means is that kind of explains why I’ve been falling asleep fatigued lately. My thyroid is acting up again. The main problem is that this is probably a direct reaction to upping my meds a few months ago, but we upped my meds because (if I remember correctly) I went to the doctor’s because I was feeling tired and my nails were getting brittle, and blah blah blah — same reason why I went to the doctor’s this time. So I don’t even know if going back on my old dose will be helpful. But here’s to hoping. And here’s to hoping that there isn’t something worse underneath all of these numbers (adrenal or pituitary problems).
Anyway, that kind of explains my lack of posts these past few months. My thyroid is misbehaving, and it’s playing merry hell with my energy levels. It’s not an excuse for ignoring y’all, but it’s definitely a reason.
Way back in the 1990’s I was writing a letter to a friend of mine on this newfangled word processing program called WordPerfect. I absolutely adored WordPerfect back in the day and would use it over any other word processing program — including Microsoft Word for many many years. I’d actually been using WP for a while at the time of this letter writing event, but it had just been updated to Windows, and it had some nifty new features — like fonts! I was all over the cursive font because how awesome was it to be able to type in cursive? And wow! The program would, like, capitalize the first word of a sentence if I used the proper punctuation. And there were suddenly these wavy red lines under misspelled words and wavy green lines under grammar errors! It was pretty mind blowing at the time.
Of course, punctuation doesn’t always equal the end of a sentence, so that got frustrating once in a while. And spellcheck has since been proven to be very fallible. It is still a good place to start, but yeah, spellcheck just won’t see the mistake in I red the sentence. or She bread rabbits for fun and profit. because the words red and bread are spelled correctly. Still, spellcheck in all its forms is a good program, and I still use it as a jumping off point whenever I proofread my stuff. And, contrary to popular belief, I do proofread. 🙂
Anyway, I was thinking about that letter back then — about 25 years ago I guess — and it occurred to me that the wonder of that first letter is still kind of there. Because before word processing programs like WordPerfect and Microsoft Word, I either had to use a typewriter to type a letter, or write it by hand. Both of with were tedious processes for me, because while I can touch type ,and do a fairly good job at typing, I do make mistakes. And, OMG, don’t even get me started about writing business letters and/or books on a typewriter. Mistakes just couldn’t happen. It was so stressful. Same with writing by hand, I used to have pretty good handwriting, and actually enjoyed writing a lot, but I do make mistakes. I used to be way too much of a perfectionist to leave mistakes in my letters. I’m better about it now (as can be attested by how many mistakes are usually found in my blog posts 😛 ), but back then? No way. Word processing programs were a godsend for me because I could just go back and correct my mistakes — helped along by the little red lines.
And here I am, still writing with similar word processing technology, but on a different scale. But many things are the same. My words will still automatically capitalize if I use certain punctuation, and I still have the same squiggly lines under misspelled words — twenty some odd years later. You know what, dear reader? Even now, I think that word processing programs are pretty awesome. I think the fact that I can write these words on my computer, hit the “publish” button, wait a few seconds, and it’s published for anyone in the world to see is pretty damned amazing. Even with the glitches and foibles of certain websites. I’ve always thought the internet was rather remarkable and awe inspiring, despite how ubiquitous it is nowadays. Childbirth is an everyday experience, but it’s also a wonderful event.
Blah, I’ve run out of steam. 🙂 I just wanted to share this kind of stream of consciousness with y’all. I had that memory and it just went from there. I really did love writing letters on WordPerfect, though I use Microsoft Word now (because I have the whole Office Suite). And I guess I’ll always have that memory of, “This is pretty awesome.” And I still think that this is whole word processing, picture processing, and internet thing pretty awesome, even though it’s pretty much the every day hum-de-dum nowadays. Without the internet, I couldn’t torture y’all, dear readers, with my strange musings. And then what would you do for weirdness? ^_^
I’m gonna use this picture of him again because any other picture I take will look basically the same. 🙂 Anyway, got a call from the vet this morning and the tumor they removed from Poptart was invasive but benign. A rather aggressive fatty tumor. He’ll be fine in a couple of weeks or so. He’s so not happy being confined to his kennel, but every time I let him out, Brandy’s all: Let’s play! and yeah, back in he goes. Plus every time a car comes anywhere near our driveway he has a tendency to race out and bark ferociously at it. Since the tumor was in his chest muscle just under his right leg, he can’t go racing willy-nilly about the place without tearing things open. So in the kennel he stays. It’s like trying to keep a sick kid in bed, only easier because with a kennel I can lock the door — but harder because at least with a sick kid I could try to explain why I was torturing them thusly.
Anyway, thought I would update y’all on what the vet said. Aggressive but in the end, benign. So, good news.
So, something about being so fatigued is that I crave caffeine and carbs like crazy. Maybe not a physical craving, but my mind keeps telling me: “Maybe if you had more sugar and/or caffeine in you, you wouldn’t be so tired.” Logically I know that sugar and caffeine are — at best — short term solutions to being tired, but that doesn’t stop my brain from whispering to me, “Drink some coffee, have a cookie… go on, it’ll help.”
Now, I drink coffee most of the day anyway, but I normally drink it black with no sugar. When I get this tired, I *want* to add sugar, and sometimes even cream cream to it. I haven’t had coffee with sugar and cream in years… I’ve refrained from doctoring my coffee in such a way. I put a little maple syrup here and there, but that’s it. (Maple syrup is easier on my digestive system) But it’s reallyhard to not give in to the craving for sugar. Really hard. And you know, dear reader, I totally just want nothing but cookies all day long. Because I know I’ll get a bit of a boost from it, even if it’s short term. I totally don’t get nothing but cookies all day long because that would make me feel shitty in the long run, but I crave it. I totally crave it. Fatigue messes with the mind in more ways than one. And I will totally give in to those cravings now and again… Because I’m just too tired to fight it. The thing is, that my overall caloric intake doesn’t go up. Okay, it goes up a little, but mostly it’s just my carb intake that goes up when I’m feeling this way — which is almost as bad. You know?
Anyway, just thought I’d make a small post about whatever was on my mind, and that’s what was there. I know I haven’t been posting as much as I used to. I need to rectify that. My word recall is pretty dismal right now and posting actually helps with that. 🙂
Just so’s y’all know. I mentioned that Poptart has a lump on his side and we took him to the vet for his annual check up. The vet did a biopsy of the lump and it’s a fatty tumor. Not malignant at all. No cancer. He said we can just keep an eye on it if we want to, but it’s probably best to remove it now before it gets any bigger. It’ll probably cost about $500 altogether. Poptart still has a few more years left in him — he’s ten I think — so we’ll probably get that taken care of. Just thought y’all would like to know in case you were worried about the little guy.
Reading, dear reader, reading… And learning things. Sorry I’ve been away for so long — almost a week! Jeez Louise! I can’t even give y’all an excuse. I’ve just been reading and trying to learn stuff. Plus three of our furbabies had their vet appointments last week — So far, they’ve all had clean bills of health. So far. Well, we have to keep an eye out for Brandy’s thyroid (she’s on the cusp of hypothyroidism), and Cocoa has a small lump in his leg, that’s probably a fatty tumor, I have one of those too, so I’m not too concerned with that. Poptart’s appointment is today. I’m kinda worried about him because just last night we found a big lump on his chest. *sigh* It wasn’t there before. I would have noticed it. I mean, it’s pretty big, and i check for these things regularly. He doesn’t seem distressed, but that is worrisome. I’ll point it out to the doctor when we get there.
Anyway, I have a stack of books pertaining to businesses, marketing, buying, and legalese when it comes to running and opening a business. Some are better than others, and I’ve been reading those. Also websites and government pamphlets. There’s a ton of stuff out there, some free and some you have to pay for. But it’s a lot. I’ve also been brushing up my html skills, I’ve been trying to come up with a logo (it’s not easy). In other news, I’ve still been cleaning out the house. We’re moving in less than a year, and the we’ve got to purge. So far, I’ve cleaned out my yarn stash, my fabric stash, most of the clothes I don’t wear, and we’ve gone through the kitchen twice. We’ve made at least five trips to the local thrift store and two to the dump. We could try and sell the stuff, but honestly, neither of us really want to deal with the hassle. I tried giving some of it away on the local Facespace groups and people here are just… picky about these things I guess.
So anyway, I’ve been a little busy, and — to top it all off — I’ve been fighting off a fatigue flare. Yay! So while I’ve been reading and running the pets around (not at the same time), I’ve been battling the uncontrollable urge to fall asleep. Makes all of this a fun time had by all. Ha! I figured I would check in with y’all and let you know I’m still here and kicking. I don’t plan on abandoning my blog anytime soon. I just kinda let time slip away from me.
P.S. I don’t know what’s going on with Poptart’s picture up there, I keep fixing it, but it keeps doing weird things whenever I view my post. Let me know if it looks okay for y’all.
Every once in a while, I just get too tired to write, but I know that I have people here who follow my blog and y’all expect me to post on my blog, so I’m faced with the dilemma of writing something. So, do I post about being too tired to write and (to paraphrase Shakespeare) how can I be too tired to write if I’m writing about being too tired to write?
So I obviously have *some* energy, dear reader, but not a lot. Yesterday, I cleaned out the spare bedroom — the one we call the “cat’s room” because it is where the cat has his litter box and where we feed him. It was a right mess to tell y’all the truth, and it took me about an hour to clean it out. But I did it, and after I did it, I was wiped out for quite a while afterwards. Today, the nice lady who walks the dogs and trims their nails came over and trimmed the dogs’ nails. I don’t know if any of y’all have dogs and/or trim their nails, but for me, it’s quite the adventure. My cat? He’s the easy one. Five seconds and he’s done. My dogs are trained enough that they come to me so we don’t have to chase them down, but they do not like getting their nails trimmed. Not at all. So we do have to hold them down. Well, I have to hold them down while she trims their nails. And Poptart is a biter, so we have to put a muzzle on him and wrap him in a blanket. He’s getting a lot better than he was when we first got him. But he still doesn’t like getting his nails trimmed. At least they enjoy the walk afterwards. Right? ^_^
Still, holding down three dogs (and kind of holding down the cat — though not really) in a row is quite exhausting. Even though they’re not big dogs — Brandy is the biggest a 40 pounds — and they don’t really struggle. Okay, sometimes they do, because they honestly don’t want to have their nails clipped, and they occasionally just say: “Nope, don’t want to be here.” and try to get up and walk away, which is why I have to hold them down. But they’re trained enough to lie still for the most part. So it’s still an effort. It got me to thinking… I often wonder — because they’re all rescue dogs — what actually happened to them in their previous lives, before they came to live with us? Of course unless I get a time machine, I’ll never know. I can only surmise judging by their action and reactions. And when I watch how they act and react to everyday occurrences, I sometimes wish I could go back to their previous owners and say, “What the hell did you do to this dog?” The only one that seems even remotely normal is Cocoa… though even he has some strange quirks. For example, if my phone, or anything else mechanical, dings, rings, or buzzes, he will suddenly look troubled — even sad — and go hide in his box. We have a big, cardboard box that he likes to spend a lot of time in. He’s a cave dweller, what can I say? Most of the time he’ll be happily chilling out here in the living room and then something will “Ding!” and he slinks away into his box. It’s so weird. He does the same if anyone raises their voice around him too, but I guess that’s understandable. He just might not like loud voices.
I think I mentioned that Poptart was a hot mess when we first got him. He was a snappy, snarly bundle of fury, and he’s calmed down a lot in the three years we’ve had him. But his one thing (other than not liking his nails clipped) is that he absolutely cannot stand anything near him if he’s under something like a blanket — which gets to be hysterical sometimes because he and Cocoa often share the same space and Cocoa will just be chilling out then Poptart will go under the blanket next to Cocoa and immediately start growling at Cocoa for invading his space. Though lately Cocoa has started growling at Poptart whenever Poptart starts to go under the blanket so I guess he’s getting tired of those shenanigans. But I have to wonder what made Poptart so sensitive in that way. I mean, I get the feeling that he was at the very least put under a blanket and teased incessantly and possibly worse until he got to the point where he is now — not trusting anything outside of the blanket, but unable to overcome his instinct to nest under the blanket. You know? It makes me so angry. I mean, Poptart weighs all of eight pounds and he’s bordering on overweight. How can anyone mistreat something so small? It’s inconceivable to me. He’s stopped biting people indiscriminately though. So there’s that. 🙂
I was looking through old pictures the other day (which is kind of what started this train of thought) and I found pictures of Brandy when we first got her. Dear reader, she always looked so sad and afraid. Every picture I have of her back then she looks… unsure and just… sad I guess. Maybe I’m anthropomorphizing feelings onto her, but she was also a hot mess when we first adopted her. I honestly want to smack someone. I don’t think that the people who had her before abused her outright. I think they neglected her. Put her in the back yard and left her there. I remember when we first got her she didn’t know how to walk on a leash (neither did Poptart btw) or how to sit or anything. She’s a smart dog though, she’s learned a lot. My only regret with Brandy is that the Humane Society we got her from flat out lied on her adoption papers. They said, “She wants nothing more than to sit at your feet and be loved.” Because we were looking for a dog that didn’t need a lot of exercise. Well guess what? She’s a cattle dog mix and guess what she needs? A lot of exercise. That’s why I have a nice lady to come and walk her once a week. And that’s why we have a big yard. It’s the best we can do for her.
But the past is the past, and I love my furbabies… all four of them. They may have been a hot mess when we first got them (except for Cocoa, who’s been okay for the most part), but they’re doing okay now. It’s one of the reasons why I usually get rescue animals. Because everyone needs a second (or third or even fourth) chance. I mean the only thing we know about Poptart is that he came here from California, and he came to California from Hawaii. We live in Washington, dear reader. That’s a long way for such a small dog. The only thing we know about Cocoa is that he was a stray, which is not surprising since he does have a tendency to want to wander. He’s wandered out of our yard at least half a dozen times and he is headstrong in wanting to go that –> way. He might have had a good family who missed him but he wandered too far and they just simply never found him. Well, we’ve had him for six years and we’ve done our damnedest to never let him out of our sight, but he had tried to see what’s over the horizon, the little stinker. ^_^ I don’t dwell too much on my pets’ past, because I have them now, but sometimes… sometimes dear reader, I do wonder, and sometimes I just get a little angry that there are people out there in the world who neglect and mistreat animals to the point that they mistrust others. Then I get over it, because now I have my little family, and we’re doing okay.